The Secret To Successful Breastfeeding
Like the secret of eternal youth, or the magic formula to making a million pounds, if there was one trick to guarantee perfect breastfeeding it would be worth its weight in gold. Sadly, there isn’t one genius life hack that can ensure your breastfeeding journey goes without a hitch, but there are a few things - some of them seemingly obvious, and others that no one may ever tell you - that can make the road a hell of a lot less bumpy.
PUT THE PREP IN - Just because everyone keeps telling you how “natural” it is doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, and similarly all those who keep telling you about the challenges will not have had the same challenges that you might face and vice versa. The only way to adequately prepare for breastfeeding is to do some homework. There are lots of good books out there - Ina May Gaskin’s is a good start, as well as the (not quite as terrifying as it sounds) Womanly Art of Breastfeeding - but, if you can, the best thing you can do is sit with someone while they breastfeed. If you have a friend who has a baby who is now feeding well, ask if you can talk to them and ask questions. Breastfeeding issues are more prevalent in societies where breastfeeding is not commonly done anywhere and everywhere - so the more you can see it the better. Next best are online videos. Dr Robyn Thomson is a great start to help get baby latched comfortably, while Dr Jack Newman has a wealth of short videos to troubleshoot things that may be going wrong. Watching them now will give you a headstart to make short work of any issues that may arise. The final thing you can do to prepare is attend a class. Most hospitals offer a short workshop on breastfeeding and while the knitted breasts and awkward boob chat might not be your dream way to spend an afternoon, you will emerge more confident to begin your breastfeeding journey.
SHAKE OFF THOSE INHIBITIONS - If you’re British, or American, I’m mainly talking to you here. You are going to need to give your inhibitions a holiday. Or vacation. And by that I mean, in Sweden for example breastfeeding rates are huge. There are several reasons for this - not least the generous paid maternity leave that gives women time to establish feeding and maximise time with their baby - but their attitudes are also part of this. Showing flesh is not considered sexual or taboo, it’s seen as very natural and normal. So the same stigma does not exist to feeding in public or with a group of people. I’m not suggesting you head straight to the nudist beach and forget your stiff upper lip, but if you can make a slight mind adjustment to think of your breasts as non-sexual it may help desensitise you and allow you to get comfortable feeding. It may be comforting to know that this won’t be forever. Your breasts will definitely be sexual again. It’s just now they’re being used for something else primarily - and what an incredible use.
SET YOUR BOUNDARIES - Much like labour itself, a beautiful breastfeeding experience is fuelled by oxytocin - and like a calm and relaxed labour where oxytocin would be hampered by too much activity in the room, breastfeeding is not a spectator sport. Set your boundaries ahead of time about what the early days of your time as a new family will look like. If you have a mother, sister, friend or mother-in-law who you know will provide nothing but non judgemental support and help, by all means extend an invite. But if you have even a nagging shred of doubt that the person in question might make you feel judged, pressured or inadequate, deal them out. All ancient cultures observed a lengthy laying-in period when only mother and baby, the father and the siblings, would be in the sacred space. Your baby deserves to have time with you to get to know you and practice feeding - so feel free to gently insist you will be hunkering down in the cave with your nearest and dearest and will see everyone else on the other side.
LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS - Even the mother who falls head over heels for breastfeeding and swears to do it for as long as her baby wants had some difficult days. Right now she may seem Botticelli-esque on a lily pad, producing all the milk her baby could ever want, but I promise you she has cried, she has googled, she has wondered if she’s doing the right thing. If you can temper your expectations or the burden of perfection you place upon yourself, you will have much more success - both in breastfeeding and in maintaining your own sanity and self-esteem. Take it day by day, ask advice whenever you are unsure, and each night congratulate yourself on keeping that tiny human alive yet again you absolute goddess.
5. PROTECT THOSE GOLDEN HOURS - Most experts agree that if they had to identify the most important time in your breastfeeding journey, it would be the first few hours. The so-called Golden Hours not only allow your baby to build their attachment to you and learn that you are the person to turn to when they need food or comfort, but this time is also when baby receives their first few drops of colostrum - the pre-milk substance you produce that is often called “liquid gold” because it is thought to be richer in nutrients and antibodies than anything else we can eat. Holding your baby skin to skin straight after birth, and feeding as soon as possible, helps you get off to a positive start, and those precious drops of golden milk will set your baby on the right path too. If, for any reason, you are separated from your baby - because of medically essential treatment for either of you - the most important thing is to get these Golden Hours as soon as you can. Straight after birth is the ideal, but when this can’t happen carve out that time as soon as you safely can. Bonding and establishing feeding will be time well spent, and you’ll remember those hours together forever.
6. DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE - Over the coming days and weeks, you’ll hear a lot about supply and demand - feeding your baby when they want to eat and always offering the breast if they cry. It’s true that you can’t overfeed a breastfed baby - they’re not a greedy hamster, and will just fall asleep once they are full - but it’s also true that not being able to see how much they are eating can seem counterintuitive for a first time mother. Are they eating? Am I doing it right? How can they be hungry again? After a few weeks you will come to recognise the signs of your baby being satisfied - and similarly if they are endlessly crying and restless, or listless and constantly sleeping, it’s time to get some support. The one thing no one told me until it was too late, was that if it’s really painful throughout the feed - not just the first week or so, and not just the first few minutes of subsequent feeds, but all through every single feed, something isn’t quite right. I thought because I was a mum now I should just grin and bear it - put up with the pain as long as my baby was feeding. But the truth is, they may not be. That pain could be the sign of a bad latch, so instead of wasting 30 minutes suffering and thinking you’re feeding a hungry baby who’s actually not getting any milk, just stop, take them off and relatch. And then talk to someone who can help you.
7. EXTEND YOUR SELF CARE ROUTINE - Maybe it’s British prudishness again, but there are not enough conversations about breast self care. It’s not just lanolin cream for chapped nipples - although that’s good too - it’s the advice to massage them gently after each feed. We hear lots about cures (some real, some old wives’ tales) for curing mastitis, nipple thrush and other breast ailments, but much better than cure is prevention. Gently applying pressure in a slow and steady motion towards the nipple after each feed can prevent milk ducts becoming blocked and helps to keep breasts soft and comfortable. A warm facecloth applied after each feed can help facilitate this, as can gentle massage under a warm shower, but - no matter how much relief it might bring at the time - applying anything cold isn’t advised as it constricts the blood vessels and can make your breast more uncomfortable in the long term.
8. TAKE THE HELP - Many new mums are worried that breastfeeding might not be going well, and like anything we’re not great at, rather than talk about it we disappear further inside ourselves. Don’t do it. There are so many places and so many helpful people - volunteers, peer supporters, and those who have studied for thousands of hours to be able to help you. You can make an appointment with your GP or an IBCLC, or just talk to them on the phone at first if you don’t feel ready to see anyone. You can call one of the major breastfeeding organisations - National Breastfeeding Helpline , Association of Breastfeeding Mothers, La Leche League, and the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) - who will signpost meetings, support centres, or breastfeeding cafes in your area. The most important thing is that you reach out. Think of it this way, before you decide breastfeeding isn’t working for you, why not just ask for help one last time and see where it takes you?
9. FIND A BALANCE - Although all ancient societies appreciated the importance of staying at home for an extended period - and if that’s at all possible it’s still a great start for you and baby - modern life can make the practicalities of this difficult. If you have other children - particularly much older children with outside clubs and commitments - you may have to be out of the house, which also may necessitate feeding outside of the house. Here’s the skinny: feeding on the hoof in the very early days is stressful. No two ways about it. You will find yourself feeding in a car, diving into a cafe, crouching at the back of a school assembly. You will find yourself accidentally flashing your nipples in places that you seriously do not want to. Sometimes these things happen, and that feed may not be the dreamiest, most relaxing feed you and your baby will ever have. They are the equivalent of grabbing a snack on the go rather than sitting down for a home cooked meal. Snacks are ok - sometimes they are very necessary - but they shouldn’t be every meal, so it’s important to make sure you are finding a healthy balance. One of the best ways to establish a great feeding relationship with your baby is to give yourself permission to set time aside for those calm feeds at home. Check in with yourself each night and ask how many feeds were snacks on the go and how many were feeds where you really relaxed and took the time for both of you. There will be things you have to do, and feeds that aren’t your favourite as a result, but to keep the balance right you might have to say no to things you can reasonably avoid.
10. JUST GIVE IT A WEEK - Like embarking on any huge undertaking - from learning a new language to renovating a house - if you think of all that has to be accomplished you’d want to throw in the towel on day one. So, don’t think about it. The first few days you’re just comforting your baby, bonding with them and giving them those few precious drops of colostrum, so give yourself a few days and see how it goes. Work on the latch, try lots of positions, get to know each other. Then, on around day 3 your milk will come in, so then you can just try a few days of feeding baby your milk and see how you feel. Look at that, you’ve done a week. Try another? It may help to know that if you reach week 6 you are far more likely than at any point so far to keep feeding now for 6 months. This seems to be the magical turning point when it clicks and becomes easier - but the Taj Mahal would never have been built without laying the first brick, so the most important day is today.